I'm so sorry, Catherine. This is heartbreaking. But you cannot blame yourself. You only wanted the best for your son and your family and you believed that was what you were giving them. Yes, of course there are things to regret but you also don't know that your son wouldn't have found his way to drugs without you choosing to bring foster children with baggage into the home. There's so much you can't have known the outcome of that to go into the world of "what if" will only worsen the pain and confusion. Please be kind to yourself. You do deserve that kindness, now more than ever.