This was so very honest I can’t help feeling the healing happening through it. And just a thought - the masking ability enabled you to begin to show your feelings to supportive friends, so perhaps they’re not “a problem” as such but a helpful tool while you build up the confidence to reveal your true self more fully. I believe there’s a lot to an accessory, garment or outfit that makes us feel good to be seen. Embrace it and see where it takes you.